Letting people close
by Nr.Six
Summary: Spoilers for s02e22! The talk Gillian and Cal had after the episode, at the cafe!


Warning! Spoilers for season 2 episode 20!

Oeooeeo I SOOOO loved that episode! Didn't you? Great Callian scenes! -sigh- I just had to write something about that! Can't wait for next episode. I'm still finishing my other story, but have two versions so I have to chose which one I like best. I'll update soon!

The first dialogue is taken from the episode and is NOT mine, just like the show isn't MINE (sadly enough).

The story continues from the ending of the episode, at the cafe. (with a short introduction first...)

**Letting people close**

**Warehouse**

_This was awful. This was horror. It felt like a nightmare. She felt cold dread inside of her, she was so worried she was afraid she'd explode from it._

'Are you jealous?' Dave Burns asked in a rough voice.

Gillian watched in horror. Seeing him like this, it was awful.

'O that's a deflection, that is.' Cal said.

'You can't stand me being around Gillian.'

'Look mate, this is not about her.' Cal answered in an annoyed tone.

'You're feelings for her are the only reason that you're here! You want the truth? Be honest!'

'You killed him right?' Cal ignored Burns words.

'You're gonna get him killed.' Gillian stated urgently.

'Admit it! You want her.' Burns pushed.

'Yes I do. In the worst possible way. Ok?' Cal said in a very clear tone. _She couldn't have not heard that._

Gillian's breathing stopped at Cal's words. Her eyes grew as she looked at his back. _Had he just said… Because it sounded like…_ She stared at his shoulders. Her mouth fell open as she stared back at Dave. _Did he just say that… She hadn't heard it wrong. No, he was playing them. This wasn't real_. _Cal Lightman didn't want her. He didn't want her in the worst possible way. That was just a thing he was doing so he could turn the criminals against each other. A ploy. He did things like that._ She cursed herself. She hated the way her insides felt the moment these words had left his lips. Everything had felt mushy and warm, even though they were in this horrible situation. _She loved Dave_.

_Didn't she?_

She looked at Dave again. She studied his wounded face and once again a fresh wave of worry spread through her like cold ice water as Cal talked further. _He would know a way to get them out of this. He'd manage. _

**At the café, much later**

Gillian stared at her book.

_What had he meant with in the worst possible way? Had he meant that no matter what happened, no matter who she was with he wanted her? Or did he mean all the things he would do to her in bed, or maybe a bed wasn't even involved in his thoughts._ She quickly scrapped these last thoughts as she put a stray strand of hair out of her face. She looked up when a familiar voice greeted her. Gillian smiled at Cal as she closed her book and felt that familiar warm feeling spreading through her. And although she felt awful about everything that had happened, seeing him made it a bit better. She smiled warmly at Cal.

_No, he had just said that to play the others. It was stupid of her to think more of it. She wasn't his type. Cal Lightman didn't fantasize or dream about her. He loved her like a_ _friend, nothing more. And that friend happened to be a woman. Of course she had noticed how his eyes sometimes, -or a lot of times-, would rake up her body, but that was just Cal. Cal liked woman. So he liked the female body. And she had a female body._ She put her book on the table in front of her as she smiled when he told her he was with Emily. He pointed inside and she waved at one of her favorite girls. The girl with the big eyes waved back enthusiastically as Cal sat down in front of her.

'You okay?' Cal asked as he tilted his head and studied her.

Gillian swallowed and then nodded slowly. 'I'll get there.' She admitted.

He nodded too as he looked away. 'I'm really sorry… About Burns.'

She exhaled breath slowly as she looked in the distance. _Pain went through her again. She still couldn't fathom the fact that he was gone. Gone forever. She would never see him again._ Then she nodded.

'Yes.' _Finally she had found a man she could be happy with. And this had happened. It had been ripped apart. Ripped away from her. _

She looked up from her lap. 'For a moment there, I thought you were really going to hurt him.' She admitted.

'Me?' Cal asked innocently as he slumped in the chair and put one arm over the side casually.

'When you let them take me away…' _O how worried she had been!_

He leaned forward on the table. 'Why would you think a thing like that?'

'Because…' Gillian's eyes studied his face. 'You didn't like him, did you?' He didn't answer. 'Did you hate him?' She just had to know.

Cal put his hand against his face to lean his head on as he stared at her. He shook his head. 'Nah.' He answered casually as his eyes went over every feature in her face.

Gillian looked at the café shortly and then back at Cal. She shook her head softly. 'All those files you had on him. Is that the way it's going to be with every man Cal?'

He stared intensely at her and then shrugged. 'Possibly.'

She sighed as she shook her head again. _Annoyed_. Then she looked him in his eyes with intensity. 'Why Cal? Why?' _O, she had been SO mad when he'd been in her favorite restaurant. The thought that he was following Dave had felt bad._

Cal leaned back in his chair and looked at her. 'Just want to make sure your man is good for you.'

Gillian smiled slightly at that with sadness in her eyes. 'Why?' She asked with watery eyes as she looked up at him.

'That's simple ain't it? I want you to be happy. To feel good.' Cal said as he gestured towards her.

She leaned towards him. 'I don't feel good if you spy on me and my male contacts all the time.' She told him honestly as she gave him a hard stare. 'It makes me angry.'

Cal leaned back on the table. 'Angry ey?' He nodded as if he was measuring that for a while. 'I can deal with that. As long as I'm sure he's going to treat you right.'

Gillian shook her head. _She didn't have the idea that Cal would ever find someone good enough for her. _

'What?' He asked as he read her.

'You won't find anyone good enough for me will you?'

_She was right about that. He didn't even find himself even good enough for her_. He shrugged. 'Try me.'

She stared at Emily. 'So this is how it's going to be? For her too?' _She could only imagine what he'd do to Emily's possible suitors when she would have grown into a full adult woman._

Cal studied her tired face and her blue eyes that didn't have there radiance in it today. Which was logical after everything that had happened, and all that she had gone through.

'One day you'll have to trust people Cal. There'll be people that will hurt you, but if you don't let anyone close, you'll miss out on a lot.'

She had turned back to him and was looking straight at him with an intensity that made his insides squirm. _Sometimes it felt like she could look right through him, or in him. That woman._

'Yeah?' He asked. _This really felt similar to what Emily had just said inside to him_. 'Like what?'

'What?' She asked confused as her brows frowned and one of the wrinkles he loved appeared between her brows. He had wanted to touch her skin there and soothe the worry and irritation she had been feeling away so many times. To caress that worry-wrinkle until it would dissapear again.

'What'll I miss out on?' _Cal didn't like the psycho crap but he did like knowing her view on this. Because it said more about her then about him._

'Real human contact. Letting someone that close..' She got a dreamy look in her eyes and he hated that look because he knew that she was thinking of Burns and maybe even of Alec. _We all knew how that turned out. _

'And then getting stabbed in the back?' Cal asked coldly.

'It-, Ah-..' She stammered and then sighed quickly in exasperation as she gave him a look.

'Cuz that's a nice theory but you still end up hurt all the time.' _That's why that theory didn't really do it for him. _

'I'd rather end up hurt then never feeling real contact with other people.' Gillian stated as she studied him. _She noticed how he tried to keep his face straight, so she couldn't read him. He was doing a good job at it._

Gillian thought of all the people Cal didn't let close. _About the walls he had built, about no one that was allowed in. Well, maybe Emily. And maybe sometimes, she herself a bit. She had the urge to help him, to show him how nice things could be. She thought of the numerous one night stands he had had. What had made him close off in the past? Did it have something to do with his mother? That was a great mystery to her and she urgently wanted to know what went on in his head. And his heart. _

'Do you want to be alone for ever then?' Gillian asked as she studied his eyes. _She could imagine that he would._

Cal thought for a moment and then shook his head. 'Nah.'

Gillian leaned forward. 'So you want to be with someone? I mean really **be** with her?' She asked as she leaned her arms on the table for support.

'Yeah.' He simply answered.

_Really? She was surprised to say the least: After Zoe she hadn't taken him for wanting a long relationship again._ 'I mean for more then one night.'

He narrowed his eyes at her.

'You'll let her close then?' She asked surprised.

'She's already close.' Cal answered as he was still leaning lazily on his hand with his head. He put his other hand on his heart to show her where that woman was.

Gillian straightened her back and swallowed. _She hadn't expected that answer. He already had someone on his mind? That was surprising._ She pushed a feeling inside of her self that suddenly came up away. _It felt like… Jealousy. No, she wasn't jealous. But she felt it._ It took a hold of her stomach slowly. _Agonizingly slow_. She leaned forward again and ignored that feeling.

'Does she make you feel warm from the inside?' _Just like Dave had made her feel?_

'Very.' He said as his eyes raked over her upper body shortly.

'I don't mean in a sexual way I mean-' She quickly began.

'-I know what you mean Gillian.' Cal interrupted her. 'I know that there's more to a woman than just sex.' He clarified to her as her reaction didn't go unnoticed to his all seeing eyes. Her neck got these red specks again and they slowly made it's way to her cheeks. He enjoyed that. He enjoyed seeing through the masks she put on. He enjoyed seeing everything he could about her.

'I know you do Cal.' She said shortly as she avoided his gaze.

'What's that?' He asked curiously as he leaned further forward as his hand left his face.

'What?' Gillian asked innocently as she looked up at him.

'That, right there it was.' He said as his finger made circles in front of her face.

'Nothing.' She mumbled quickly, _she didn't want to go into that._

'You think I'm lying.' Cal concluded easily.

Her big blue eyes looked up at him. He saw fear and slight shock in it that he had caught her.

'You think I'm some sort of sex beast?' He asked as he studied her closely, he wanted to push her a bit.

Gillian swallowed. 'No.' She answered quickly as she shook her head annoyed and slightly smiled after that. Her exasperated sigh came back again. 'But I do think you have trouble with letting people, -or woman in this case-, close. We were talking about that remember? Nice deflecting-tactique.' She said with a smirk on her face.

'I told you, not this one. She's close. Close as it ever gets. As close as her.' Cal said as he pointed inside at Emily who was reading a magazine while she was eating her lunch.

_And now she really felt jealousy. Was it Zoe still? No. Would it be Clara? Surely not, right? He didn't know her that long, right? She couldn't be-_ Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the look in his eyes. And in that one second, she knew all the answers to her previous thoughts and doubts. It was like time froze for a moment and she couldn't deny it any longer.

'I want to be with her, for a very long time.' _Maybe forever. _He leaned towards her again. 'This one….' He got a passionate sparkle in his eyes that made her organs flip over each other.

'I fancy her.'

Gillian swallowed as she took her book from the table and put it in her bag. She stood up and was glad that she didn't trip over her own feet. Her legs felt like jelly.

'I- I have to go.' She quickly said as she gave him a short look and tried not to make eye contact.

'So soon?' He asked as he leaned back in his chair and studied her.

She looked at Emily again. 'Say hi to Emily for me please?' She said friendly and then she left in a clumsy hurry.

_Yep, it was funny that was_. Cal thought as he watched her leave. _She could say that he was afraid to let people close, but he could definitely say that **she** was afraid to let people close too, just like him. They weren't that much apart from each other in that,_

_they were both afraid of getting hurt._

_Funny thing, that._

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And what did you think? Please let me know! That'll make my day hihi

xxx


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